Series 9 Episode 7 discussion

[BravoNine]

After calming down and finally taking in the episode, this is what I think as of right now by Episode 7:

I'm really beginning to think that Lucas, or rather John, is mentally unstable. Like Vaughn said, he's a killer who went to sleep and dreamed that he was a hero when he became Lucas, he became so immersed into that life and that he forgot the darkness and carried on only the goodness, and when Vaughn came back with that stupid freakin' suitcase, John was awoken and that monstrosity and darkness returned and slowly took over everything that was good about Lucas. A monster was unleashed, a man who is so ruthless and unstable and cold that he's basically a psychopath hell bent on getting what he wants.

On one hand, I could call this storyline ingenious, one of the best storylines I have seen on Spooks in the last few years, we have never had an agent whose life became this much of mess that who he really is inside isn't even the truth. We've never had an agent who turned out to be a psychopath who was hiding inside waiting to be unleashed. It's such a drastic change, it's terrifying, and yet somehow frighteningly true to real life.

On the other hand, I shout, yell, scream, shriek at the atrocities that's being heaped onto the Lucas North that I love with all my heart and soul and I hate hate hate the writers for doing this to Lucas, for doing this to me because I still haven't stopped crying!! I hate this because my heart is still asking why? I'm still reeling and trying to understand that the man for TWO series that I have watched was just one big lie, that he wasn't real, that he was just a dream of a person who didn't exist except in somebody's head. It hurts so bad, it hurts so deep in my soul, that gut-wrenching sickness because I never thought I could ever see that much coldness behind Lucas's once so compassionate blue eyes.

You have no idea how much my heart broke or how hard I cried when John finally uttered the words "Lucas North is dead", it was like a dagger straight into my heart and my soul. Everything I ever held onto, everything I ever believed and loved about Lucas North, it's just a dream, just a story, it was never real, and my heart is still so desperately trying to hold onto any shred of hope and trying to pick up the broken pieces.

There is a part of me still hoping, that somehow, some way, the Lucas-persona that has now been suppressed and pushed aside can find a way to fight through the darkness of John, that somehow after being Lucas North for the last 15 years that a part of him remained in John, that somehow the Lucas-persona can break through at the end and save everyone. You don't live somebody's life for 15 years and not have something remain behind. You don't fighting alongside and risk your life for your people and your team for 15 years and not have it leave a mark. You don't carry that loyalty, bravery, and selflessness for 15 years and not have something strike deep into your soul. I have to believe that a part of Lucas remained inside John, and I have to believe that somehow, the Lucas North inside his soul will find a way to fight back, find a way to end the danger to the team that he tried so hard to protect. John may have said that Lucas North is dead, but I am hoping and wishing with everything in me that a part of Lucas is still in there somehow and that he's gonna come through one last time for the team he loves.

Ruth was right about something, this job leaves you cold and numb inside. One day you'll wake up and none of the darkness of this job will be a shock or a surprise, one day people will die around you and you just keep picking it up and moving along like nothing happened, one day your own humanity will come into question because you're simply just always fine. This job eats you up inside until you're dry.

Tom Quinn was lucky in a lot of ways. He got out. He got out before he had to watch his friends fall prey to this dark world, before he had to watch Danny executed in cold blood, Zoe shipped away into hiding, Colin hanged by our own people, Adam killed in car bomb, and Lucas revealed to be this dark cold psychopath that no one would have ever predicated he would be. One should be envious of Tom Quinn, he got the normal life, and what his friends got was suffering, darkness, torment, and death.