Epoque Ch. 4

[JHyde]

The fourth and final chapter of what will probably be my last ever straight romance fic. I'm not cut out for it.

I would really appreciate your reviews and constructive criticism, either here or via PM. I spend many hours putting these together, and it takes so little time for you to tell me what you think. Thanks to my regular readers for their support; it means so much to me that people I so respect on this forum are so encouraging about my writing.

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They were still an hour outside of London and the small talk had been exhausted long ago. Not that Harry and Ruth regularly indulged in small talk. They understood that conversation was an art, to be made only when they had something worth discussing. But the previous night's weight hung heavy on their hearts, so they mumbled pleasantries and then moved on to work. Or, at least, the work topics they could discuss in the car. Then it was a waiting game, as Harry found his courage and Ruth waited for him to be ready.

Predictably, however, the final part of the journey passed in relative silence. They were both lost in their own thoughts, yet acutely conscious of the other's nearness. Harry was still wrestling with his fears and guilt. It had been so long since he had tried to just be with someone in an intimate, domestic setting - he could hardly remember what it felt like. Even just the small mechanics of being with someone frightened him - was this the same man who had so casually jumped from bed to bed in his late teens and then met and married a friend who became his lover? It seemed a lifetime ago. He wasn't the same man, which could only be a good thing.

Meanwhile, Ruth was hugging herself as she gazed out the window at the sparse scenery running parallel to the highway. Her quick mind ticked over the past few years of her separate lives, both of which included the man sitting next to her. He had always been part of her, there was no denying it; no matter that she had loved George. It had always been him. But this constant circling had to stop, either they decided to be together or to let it lie. Truthfully, the tension was more wearisome than anything either option could bring.

She roused herself as they entered London. "Harry, I need to come into the Grid. I have those files I was working on, I can't take them home with me."

Harry was looking straight ahead, and his face broke into an open smile. "Ever faithful, Ruth. But how did you know I was going into work?"

Ruth looked back out of the window as the suburbs gave way to city scapes. "Habit, Harry. You haven't been on the Grid since Thursday. Your inner meglomaniac is itching to come out, I'm sure."

Harry heard the slight bitterness in her voice, and his smile vanished promptly. Was he meant to have made a move already, before they arrived back in London? 'I tripped over the first damn hurdle!' he thought miserably. 'What hope do we have long term? God, what is long term?'

They eventually entered the Thames House car park and slowly made their way upstairs, only separating when they reached the Grid. Ruth settled at her desk with a sigh, wondering how things would ever change while they were such emotional cripples. Maybe it was all too late.

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Harry continued to work his way through the files waiting for him in his boxes. But occasionally his mind would drift to the woman working bare feet away from him. How to approach her? Another dinner invitation? A letter? Or should he just speak the next time one of those silences came after a suggestive moment?

He was still undecided when Ruth entered his office softly, carrying her anticipated load of files and transcripts for him to sign, approve or read. He found himself wishing there was a file with his name on it that he could just sign and stamp, bypassing the awkward moments of getting together for the first time. Then he chastised himself. He did not really want to skip over those, even the hard bits. She was separating the files into several groups for him - she knew him so well. His routines, his methods, even his thoughts. If only he could know her so well.

"You and Tariq are going to try and re-organise the registry this week aren't you? The surveillance histories?"

She nodded. "Yes, time permitting. It's been some time and I'd like to re-assess how they're categorized. On the basis of background and threat level, obviously."

Harry nodded, wondering how they had managed without her orderly mind for so long. He let her voice wash over him, but she had stopped at his contented expression.

"That is what you want, isn't it? I won't tear anything apart without consulting you first. Or at least," she smiled, "without telling you afterwards."

Harry smiled more broadly. "No, I was just wondering how we managed without you and your brilliance."

Ruth's face fell a little. Her eyes became hard as she said quietly "Yes, my mind's always been worth keeping around, hasn't it?" She turned for the door, a little ashamed of the self loathing she had just displayed. In front of Harry, no less.

His voice stopped her as she had almost reached the door.

"Brilliant though your mind is, Ruth, it's never been the only thing I've wanted in you."

He could hardly believe the words once they were out of his mouth. But it was something he had always felt deeply about Ruth; that she was a woman who saw herself as intellect and little else. A friend sometimes, perhaps, but ultimately someone whose mind was what attracted people and kept them around her.

Ruth couldn't turn around, as she heard the words in the voice she loved so well. She closed her eyes and willed him to speak further. He did, as he stepped from his chair and walked to his desk's side, leaning against it so that he was slightly shorter than her eye level.

"It might have been what made me notice you initially, but your kindness, your compassion, your....strength of opinion - that's what makes it hard for me to look away from you."

She turned to face him, but couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. Harry swallowed and forced himself to say what he knew she needed to hear. And what he wanted to say.

"Besides which, I like looking at you. Your beauty intrigues me. You know that, don't you?"

She twitched, almost shaking her head, not quite believing what was happening. It seemed once Harry started talking, he was determined to do the job properly. She shook a little as she asked the question that had plagued her since realizing her love for Harry was still there, a box waiting to be opened when the day arrived.

"Did you think of me? Sometimes?"

Harry almost smiled, and although she wasn't looking at him, he knew she felt that almost smile too.

"I ached for you," he said simply. "Always."

Their eyes met as she crossed the few feet so she stood in front of him. She had to bend slightly to kiss him, her hair dangling once again in his face. It was a sweeter moment than the night before, and it lasted longer. At first a hesitant kiss, gradually becoming more passionate as they both realised what was happening. Harry took her by the waist as he rose himself to his full height, Ruth now standing on her toes to reach him. They bumped each other slightly as they found how to hold each other, the small crooks of the other's body in which they might fit. The familiarity of intimacy, as it began for them there in Harry's office. It was just them in the stillness and quiet of the Grid on weekends, the only sound being their laboured breathing as they shared what was only their second kiss. But as they nestled closer to one another, it was as though a significant number of their fears fell away. They broke apart slightly, and Harry clasped her smaller, softer hands in his older, well worn ones.

"I shouldn't have doubted that once I was touching you, this would all seem so much easier."

Ruth looked away a little as she laughed softly and then gazed back at him, her eyes shining with the light of newly discovered love. "Yes, well...we neither of us need much, really. Outside of work. We're hardly high maitenance people, you and I."

Harry saw a chance for his opening salvo. "I'm...out of practice, Ruth. Terribly so. I'm not completely sure what you might need...or want....so sometimes, you might need to....tell me."

Ruth saw his dejected pose, and recognized the fear of not being good enough. "I've never been much good at it either, Harry, but we'll manage. We manage at work, don't we?"

He nodded, but looked downcast, not quite knowing how to articulate the worries that plagued him.

Ruth spoke again. "I like to be kissed, Harry. Often. And everywhere." She smiled at her own audacity but pushed on. "And sometimes, it would be nice to have meals outside the Grid, I think. And when you do eventually stay over, I think you should stay the night, not sneak out before the sun comes up."

Now he laughed begrudgingly at that last comment. "Perhaps this is...easier....than we've always made it out to be."

"Perhaps," Ruth replied, removing her hands from his, and putting her arms around his waist so that she could hold him more closely. "I like to think it might be different."

Harry kissed the top of her head, trying to work out what her scent was. It was familiar, but mysterious - quite perfect, really. He spoke softly into the top of her head. "Holding you like this makes me think it might just be possible. A life outside this place, I mean. That we might make it happen."

Ruth squeezed him and said aloud the only adage that had helped her get to this point. "We take it slowly, day by day. And we talk about things, like adults. That's what grown-ups do."

Harry pulled her out of the hug but still held her hands. He was reluctant to relinquish his hold on her so soon. "So what do grown-ups do? Now, I mean?"

Ruth sighed slightly, and leant back against the desk. "You get some confidence in us and I learn to trust you. But for now, I'll settle for you giving me a lift home and a kiss at the door."

Harry slipped an arm around her and smiled, kissing her cheek swiftly. "I think I can manage that. There are still things I need to tell you."

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Whatever happens, in my next fic, Harry and Ruth will be a couple. No more of this trying to hook them up. I want to know what comes next!