Unmentionable

[Nia M]

SPOILERS FOR 8.3 AND 7.1

Set post 8.3, Ros' POV. Slight hint of Ros/Adam.

Unmentionable

The rhythmical shriek of the detonator blared out, one murderous beep for every three thuds of her heart. Ros flinched as she fired the bullet, as though its path was jolting through her own chest. She followed Jo’s descent to the floor, transfixed.

When Ros too slid to the ground, she could not allow herself to ask for forgiveness. Her chin trembled with the effort of keeping silent. Apologising would not help. Not now.

Ros laid the gun on the floor hesitantly, loath to be rid of it, and slipped her jacket off her shoulders. She laid it tenderly over Jo’s torso. Perhaps a futile gesture, but Adam would have done it. He would have ensured that, even in death, Jo was shielded. She was safe now.

She swept her fingers over Jo’s eyelids, closing them on the confused half-smile, and retrieved the gun.

***

Figures blurred past as she ran, stumbling up the stairs, without taking heed of where she was headed. She forced her feet to move, one in front of the other, up and up, until she burst through a door and onto the roof. The heavy metal slammed behind her as she fell against a railing, fists and jaw clenched to an impossible degree.

Blindly, she slammed her wrist repeatedly against a sharp corner of the balustrade, the rusty metal cutting into her skin until it finally caught the cable tie, and the hard plastic binding was flung into the air and over the edge of the building. She hurled the gun after it.

This fall was worthless, so she sank to her knees and collapsed sideways against the freezing steel door, resting her left temple on its mirrored surface. Behind her eyelids, the single nod was played over and over. The allowance – no, the command – from Jo to shoot, before she closed her eyes in defeat and acceptance. She knew Ros would fire anyway.

***

The wind had picked up, and her hair surged wildly around her face. No matter. The thin white shirt was no barrier from the chill, but that was insignificant. Perhaps it was fitting though, that in covering the bullet wound, Ros had concealed her guilt. No-one would ever know the truth of Jo’s death, after all. Its cause would be buried under false pretences – an unknown illness, or a car accident perhaps.

Like Adam and like Zaf, Jo had become one of the unmentionables.

***

The water stain on her collar from the single, solitary tear was almost gone now. Soon it would disappear completely, and then there would be no evidence that, for one minute, Ros Myers had allowed herself to feel compassion. That she was not perpetually veiled in indifference, resolve and ice, but was - for that fleeting moment - destroyed. She simply had to isolate her anguish, and cut it away.

Ros placed her bloodied hands flat against the cool metal and pushed her face away from its reflective surface. She raised her head, her eyes still closed, so she was nose-to-nose with her reflection. She could do this. It shouldn’t be difficult; she had spent her entire life accumulating and perfecting her ruthless reputation.

Ros Myers, conspirer, had sent down her own father.

Ros Myers, traitor, had gone back for Harry.

Ros Myers, lover, had returned fighting.

Ros Myers, survivor, had been resurrected.

Ros Myers, MI5 officer, had tortured, threatened, lied and killed.

But, Ros Myers, human being, had been smothered.

“If you can look yourself in the mirror, look yourself in the eye, then you’ll be alright.”

Adam Carter had told her that.

“Adam’s dead, Jo.”

She turned away, and the tears fell.

[JHyde]

This is one of your strongest fics, Nia. Great one-shot, and nice to see a Ros fic.

[HellsBells]

It is great to read a Ros fic (nice change from Harry and Ruth ). I think you have written perfectly for Ros.

[Nia M]

Thankyou very much JHyde and HellsBells

I was slightly emotional / angry when I wrote this, so I tried chanelling my frustration into writing, and was quite pleased with the result I did the same for a Doctor Who fic I did after watching Waters of Mars, and that's my favourite bit of writing I did.

Moral is: don't cry, write

[JHyde]

almh and I are with you on that!

[almh]

I scrolled down to the bottom of the reviews and just saw your comment JHyde and I was like what on earth! Makes sense now I've read everyone else's comments! Fanfic is a great therapy for the soul

Great story.

[lwhite53]

This is outstanding -- such controlled use of language, tight structure, and wonderful imagery. Insightful use of the Ros personna, too. And I especially loved bringing in Adam's line at the end. A really good read -- thanks.

[Nia M]

Thankyou very much almh and lwhite53

[Kazters]

loved it! i can see all these things on ros and ros being ros wont admit it unless she has to! but this was very well written