Ruth's Diary - No.6 (2.6)

[Beatriz]

Here it is the next entry of the diary, Ruth's thoughts on Christmas and the visit of the President of the US.

Spoilers for Series 2 Episode 6.

Written with lots of help, thank you for your time, JHyde
_______________________

[30th December 2003]

Yesterday, I went to visit my mum in Cheltenham. Since Dad died, we have only grown further apart and it doesn't help that I live in London now, but perhaps that's best given how strained things can be.

I'll try to visit her twice a year now that I'm in the city, though it is not a very pleasant thing to do as she’s always complaining. But she is, after all, my mother and I should make the effort. That is what Dad would have wanted. But I couldn't spend Christmas with her, even though I wanted to make the effort. It wasn't just her; seeing Peter is the last thing I want. I lied and told her I was spending it with work people and that it was important to make an effort with my life in London. She has always protested that I work too much, and that I shall never meet anyone while so ever I keep to my books and files.

She's not so wrong about that.

In the end it was nice to spend Christmas just by myself with the cat for company. I may adopt another one at some point; I work so late and Fidget is such a comfort. I love that when I come home he curls up at my feet on the bed. I know all cats do that but when he's there it feels like it's just for me. I cooked a nice roast (it's very hard cooking a roast for one!) and watched Casablanca. I cried, of course. I always do.

It's a trite thing to say, but I don’t like the commercial side of Christmas, people shopping and buzzing. I feel smothered most of the time and totally out of place. It's why I mostly try to avoid the high street, although I love the lights shining in the dark with such colourful joy.

So in the year's death throes, I should take stock of my life. It is, after all, why I started this diary. To learn better, to identify in which areas I could improve. To see which situations I should avoid, and which I should seek out.

It definitely was a year of changes and turning events; new job (for now), new colleagues, new city... good positive changes. It was high time I had the opportunity to work for MI5, I was so excited that I took the chance, not thinking through fully the implications or seeing clearly what the consequences might be. I’m not very proud of what I did, spying on my colleagues wasn’t easy and I felt rather miserable, but what other chance did I have?

So now that I have the chance, I need to prove myself as a worker all over again. They obviously saw what a good analyst I can be, and my expertise in the Middle East is attractive to Harry, I know - he's very keen to develop the Service's assets in that area. So I work on that, and seize every chance as it comes.

And continue to make sure I ignore James' calls. I think he is regretting sending me on secondment.

[12th March 2004]

Al Qaeda strikes again, this time in Madrid, simultaneous bombs were set in local trains and the tube in the rush hour. The Spanish government is saying it was ETA, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t them; it's not their modus operandi. The politicians are playing their games, but people are reacting with courage and compassion. People have taken to the streets with candles, millions of them, pledging peace and promising hope. My heart aches for them; Spain is such a joyous, beautiful country. They're just normal people going to work, and then they're gone and their families and friends are left broken.

It's only a matter of time now until London is hit. Our job is more important than ever and we must be ever vigilant. Now it's becoming harder to leave work at the end of the day. To let go, wondering what you might miss while sleeping. Harry is right when he says they will stop at nothing. Using human people as bombs on a tube in Madrid smacks of evil like nothing else we have seen.

[1st April 2004]

President Bush is on his way to Britain for a flyover visit arranged at short notice. Harry suspects he is meeting the Libyans while here - I think somebody, somewhere must have tipped him off. Customs opened a US diplomatic papers crate under his orders, but unfortunately some civil servant spilled tea in the files and they sent it to us to clean the mess and cover their tracks.

Christine Dale, the CIA liaison officer, came to the Grid to plan the security of their President. Or rather, to tell us what small part we might play in such a plan. It has always been Five's duty to oversee the protection of visiting dignitaries, but the President seems to be the exception to this rule with the eyes of the world upon us. All of this seems to tie in with Harry's fear about the Libyans and the Americans being up to something. We'll know more once Malcolm has been through the contents of that crate. He has his hands full the next 24 hours as he has to tidy them up at the same time. He's handling it in his own, inimitable way, with good humour and a smattering of obscure references.

It's hard to be good humoured on the Grid at the moment; it's chaotic. The CIA also wanted to have full access to all our files to cross check their information. To make things worse, a psychologist was tasked to conduct a psychological assessment of every member of the team and it's sending everyone around the bend.

[4th April 2004]

The US President visit passed without any public incident, but we all panicked when we feared that a misguided micro-glider was heading toward the building where the meeting between Bush and the PM was taking place. There was a sickening moment where Christine and Tom faced off over what action to take as the pilot wasn't responding to the flight tower's signal. In the end the glider changed direction and we all sighed with relief. Just think if we'd had to take measures against someone carrying retroactive material? Or, almost as badly, if they had been innocent?

Our suspicions about the secret meeting with the Libyans were proven correct when the President’s car took an unexpected detour not covered in the schedule. Christine fed us a terrible cover story, but because we had advance warning of the Libyans we were able to make a 'clean' deal with the Libyans.

On the other hand, the psychological assessment was supposed to help us blow off steam and relieve tension but it managed to do quite the opposite. Thankfully Sam interrupted my 'conversation' with Miranda Saunders, the psychologist in charge, and I snapped at her. We later had to resume the meeting and she asked me a lot of questions. All mind games, and the obvious questions about the GCHQ operation were raised.

But something worthwhile did come from it. She told me that the other team members have said I am a good addition to the team, even Harry. Then, she dared to ask me this: “You like Harry, don’t you?” I'm not fully sure what she was implying, but I didn't like it at all. Of course I respect Harry and for the most part he's easy to work with. Or at least, his good qualities outweigh his bad. But as though I would actually tell her what I thought of him as a person!

Tom fired her by the end of the day. Good riddance.

[Tea Lady]

Wow! That was really good. I think it is one of my favourite entries so far. Liked the way you got Madrid in there, made it very real. That was so sad when it happened, so awful.

Poor Ruth spending Christmas on her own rather than with her family. Things must have been bad for her back at home. She seemed resigned to it though and I guess that is the way to cope with being on your own at those times of the year.

Liked the Mirander Saunders reminder. A very odd question she asked Ruth but then again if she was from HR, then it isnt surprising she is asking questions about HR......

[Silktie]

Great entry, very Ruth-like. Although Ruth is probably the only that thinks Harry is easy to work with!

[lwhite53]

Terrific entry -- all of you are getting a real knack for this. Loved the mention of Madrid -- grounds the entry in an international timeline, not just the spooks universe. And like R's musings about her family and Miranda's questions. Well done.